In this uncertain era of the forgotten American and the Brexit Briton, it should come as no surprise that our beloved Editor Bhanu Chopra figured what the world needs now is yet another lifestyle brand. Yes, we were scratching our heads too, so we caught up with him to talk about B-Watches, slogan B what you want to B, to discover the thinking behind his cure for a mightily bewildered world.
WUS: So Bhanu, tell us more about B-Watches.
BC: Well, I tend to do all my thinking while having my once weekly bath. And this week I got to thinking how strange it is that many of the things I like best in the world begin with a B.
WUS: Once a week? Does B.O. figure in the things you love most?
BC: Hey, there’s nothing wrong with working up an honest sweat. But think about it. There’s Brewskis, Babes, Beamers, Billions, B-movies, Baselworld, and yes even my weekly Bath, they all start with a B.
BC: Yeah, I thought so, and so I reckon there has to be a gap in the market for a brand that just capitalizes on the letter B. And then it came to me – B-Watches.
WUS: So, what is the perceived gap in the market you think you have discovered?
BC: B-Watches is for the guy who has outgrown Invicta, and isn’t quite ready for, I don’t know, Frederique Constant or Hamilton. It’s also for the guy who needs guidance in other areas of his life such as accessories, shoes, shoulder bags, sunglasses. There’s a lot of uncertainty out there.
WUS: You don’t feel the uncertainty is because there’s already a lot of choice out there?
BC: In the developed world, maybe, but here’s my master plan. My products will only be available to markets beginning with the letter B, and curiously, they are all aspirational markets with good disposable income.
WUS: So, we’re talking Botswana, Burundi, Burkina Faso?
BC: Hmm, they may be phase 2. Phase 1 would be Bahamas, Belize, Brazil, Bulgaria, even the Benelux countries. You could be sitting next to a guy on the metro, notice he is wearing a B-watch, and say hey, you must be from Brazil…’
WUS: Or one of the Benelux countries…
BC: Well, not really, if he starts speaking in Portuguese then you know he’s from Brazil.
WUS: Do you feel Luxembourgian bankers will aspire to post-Invicta B-Watches?
H. Moser Swiss Mad watch
BC: Well Luxembourgian bankers, are admittedly eligible because they are from a Benelux country, but they would be a special case. For them I would devise a Texas Chili Bean watch, a nod to the Moser Swiss Mad watch, whereby the watch is made with specially adapted chili bean casing, and will cost $1,845,000 – a reference to the date Texas was founded. They would have to fly to the Lone Star State to collect the watch. For the rest of the ‘B’ countries, they can pledge towards my billion dollar funding on Kickstarter and will each receive a “Make America Great Again” t-shirt as early bird backers. I’ve got it all figured out.
WUS: Speaking of things beginning with B – bonkers comes to mind – but we were recently handed a ‘B minus’ by a reader for not including examples of your Bhanu Approved watches in our explanation concerning Bhanu Approved items. Would you care to elucidate?
BC: Like my beers, my watches are from independent firms that care about quality, taste and tradition, so I am particularly interested in brands such as Speake-Marin, Mühle-Glashütte, Glashutte Original, Greubel Forsey, Sinn, Stowa and even certain Breitlings, but how much longer Breitling will remain independent remains to be seen. As for dive watches, my choice would be a Bathys Hawaii, a COSC Certified Chronometer with a 2892-A2 movement.
WUS: Getting back to B-Watches, will you be seeking a Brand Ambassador?
BC: Well, this ties in with the second part of my masterplan. I want my B-Watches Brand Ambassador to have a surname beginning with the initial B. Initially I thought of David Beckham. They handed me a number I took to be his phone number, but then they said no, that’s just his signing on bonus. Then I realized we have exactly the man we need from within the Watchuseek brotherhood. None other than our very own Brad Bokkean.
WUS: You mean Brad ‘Backwoods’ Bokkean?
BC: Well hold on, Brad is trying to get away from that backwoods label. He says although he lives where they filmed the Wrong Turn movies, he doesn’t hang out with those boys any more, he hasn’t eaten anyone in ages and his good lady is absolutely positively not previously related to him. He’s also had his teeth fixed. I mean, ok, he’s still the National Beer Bottle Top Spitting Champion, but the only thing ‘backwoods’ about Brad these days is his Land Rover Defender, Her Majesty the Queen’s preferred mode of transport no less.
WUS: So will we be seeing B-Watches at Baselworld?
BC: Yes, well that all depends on another couple of words beginning with B. Whether my Bank will Bankroll me. Pass me my towel please, my weekly bath is done.