Watch collectors, like most of humankind, are immoral, shiftless, and self-gratifying. Their spiritual shortcomings become as plain as the watch on their wrist when the subject turns as it invariably does, to watches. See if you can recognize some traits in yourself or in others as they go about their business of collecting and talking about watches.

 

Snobbery


Let he who is free of the sin of watch snobbery cast the first stone. We are all at times guilty of being chronologically condescending; perhaps patronizing the newbie for his lack of knowledge, heartlessly trashing a friends’ treasured fashion watch, getting into a needless vicious and insulting quarrel about quartz versus mechanical. The watch snob cares too much about things which are, quite frankly, completely unimportant and indeed irrelevant in the greater scheme of things.

Gluttony

Picture courtesy London Watch Collector (L.W.C.)

Overindulgence in watches invariably leads to a paucity in the bank balance, not to mention strained relations with partners who would rather put the money towards a vacation or a new couch. It’s true they look lovely and sparkly as they catch the sun in your watch winder, but you can only wear one at a time. Do you really need another diver to add to the six you have when your feet haven’t touched salt water in seven long years?

Stupidity


Watch collecting is awash with stupidity, chasing select models on the say so of a username on a watch forum, valuing the shock jock opinions of the Watch Snob instead of your own inner voice. Or, in the case of Omega, releasing the wonderful 1957 trilogy last year but completely forgetting how to make it available to anyone. This turned what was a source of joy to many enthusiasts to anger and apathy. Most of the year went by before the watches even appeared on Omega’s website.

Envy


He who envies others their superlative watches, their Audemars Piguet Royal Oak Perpetual Calendar or their A. Lange & Söhne Zeitwerk, is destined never to achieve peace. The sin of watch collecting envy eats at the soul. If your budget only stretches to a G-Shock, then work slowly towards an MR-G. Never let your watch define you. In the same vein, never believe the international lifestyles portrayed in Watch Anish articles are genuine. Just keep telling yourself the reporters are hot and sticky and probably not enjoying themselves.

Lust


Voluptuous emotions about watches; we are all guilty of such ardor. Lust leads to watch, and often brand infidelity, where we willfully desert a perfectly obedient and hardworking watch for something flashier, with large bullhorn lugs and an impertinent tri- compax dial. Avoid the temptations of the precious metal, the carbon fiber, and the precocious PVD black coating. Why oh why are we so unhappy with what we already have?

Gullibility


Don’t believe everything you read on this or any other watch forum. Watchuseek Moderator Brad Bokkean does his best to protect you from the real world, but, and this may come as a shock, some of the so-called statements of fact on watch forums are high on over-inflated ego and low on actual truth.

Boastfulness

Which brings us to our final and most deadly sin. Boastfulness. No one is genuinely interested in your watch collection or what you paid for it. It does the soul good once in a while to show your most precious watches to a non-watch guy. The glazing of the eyes, the absence of anything approaching even polite interest go a long way towards telling you, there are simply no bragging rights.